a wonderful little leaf heart discovered on my walk the other day
I have so much I want to write about, but there seems to never be enough time to do it. I want to set time aside, carve it out, but I really don’t know where I can pull it from, where else I can take some away? Any ideas? While I work on that, enjoy this little leafy heart. Inspired to look for them by this lady. More to come…
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My baby, Logan, in one of the many photos I hope to edit once my real work is done. Aint he adorable?
Today was one of those days where pretty much nothing other than “shower” got crossed off the To-Do List (and how sad is it that I added shower to the list just so I could feel somewhat accomplished… I love to scratch things off, what can I say?). It’s not that nothing has been getting done today, far from it. It’s just that I have more editing to do than God and for whatever reason I chose to leave that off the list, even though I know that’s what most of my time will be spent doing this whole week. My list focused instead on a whole lot of “want to dos” and “wish I had time to dos”. I may as well have called it a “dream list”. You see, while it has been a slightly quiet year overall at RMP, this Fall has taken off and I am shooting pretty much every weekend of September and October. Oi. And to boot a bunch of those shoots are not normal sessions, they are big events with TONS more images to edit. Needless to day, I apologize to those I love that might not see me out from behind this desk any time soon. It’s all photoshop-all the time right now. I am actually looking forward to a nice long break after this stretch of madness and can’t wait to see what I do with some free time. Free time? Yeah right. I’ll be spending every non-editing minute making necklaces and jewelry for my etsy shop! And I can’t wait! I already have a little bit of an inventory started and should be able to photograph and list the first couple of pieces today or tomorrow…Fingers crossed! I will pop on here as soon as they are ready. That’s on the To-Do list, for sure! I’m so excited to see what people think of them. So far I have heard many good things, so hopefully that trend will continue! Alright, back to the grindstone over here. I’ll try to post more often, if only to get a breath of non-editing air! Cheers!
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I try to be a loyal person, to my friends, my family, my clients, and yes, even to my phone company. I’m just like that. If you are good to me, and we seem to meet each other’s needs I’m willing to over look many shortcomings and remain in a stable, happy relationship with you. I will go to great lengths to keep anything from breaking us apart. I think that’s pretty good of me. I’m so loyal in fact that I might be really, really nice when our relationship turns sour and I start to think that, perhaps, we might be better off going our separate ways. I won’t yell at the clerk in the store who happens to draw the unlucky number of being the one to tell me that the service I have come to love, nay, RELY upon is no longer offered; I won’t berate the online customer service agent who unfortunately has to discover with me that there simply is no way for us to remain together any longer. I will remain calm, cordial, pleasant even. Because in the end, if there must be an end, I want to part amicably. I want to know I did all I could to keep us working together and I would like no bad karma should all efforts prove futile. Of course, I might also kindly throw a little party for myself when, as luck would have it, our parting means consequently I might soon also be the new momma to one of these…
Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say goodnight, till it be… Oh hello iphone, welcome to the family. 
You all will no doubt be some of the first to know when I get the new arrival, and what a happy day it will be. Cheers!
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Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing,
there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase
each other
doesn’t make any sense.
Rumi
(Sufi Mystic 1207-1273 A.D.)
translation by Coleman Barks
One of my all time favorite pieces of writing. Any kind of writing. I so wish I could have met him in life. Perhaps someday…
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my grasshopper friend in maine
Having a dream is kind of like having a very precarious perch from which to view the world. You can see all the possibilities from that place, but maybe not the way over to them (or the way back down to the ground for that matter!). I think one of the reasons I find myself struggling to define my own dreams sometimes is that I can’t always see the clear path of how to get to them from here. I shouldn’t let that stop me, but I’ve always felt more comfortable with a clear image in my head of how something is going to turn out. It’s not a good thing. And as a bi-product of living this way for most of my life, I have come to doubt what dreams are really the ones I want to have. I wrote to a very fabulous dreamer a while back about this very thing. She said something so lovely and comforting to me, I wanted to share it in case it can help anyone else out there wondering if what they “think” they want is “really” what they want…
“I think what I’m reading between the lines here is a certain kind of fear that if you want what you want you won’t become an interesting or compelling person–the kind of person you want to become. Let me assure you, that no one, absolutely no one, can be who you are meant to be in the world, and that if you are alive, fully alive, leaning into whatever dreams you can conjure up at the moment–even if on the surface they feel ordinary or silly or stupid to you–then you are well on your way. “
The other day my parent’s stopped by and with them they brought a lot of good stuff from my childhood/young adulthood. It amazed me how many photos I had taken as a kid, and how much journalling I had done. I don’t know why I was surprised; I was there! Then as I began sorting through everything and trying to find places for it all (thank you attic!) I spent some time reading through old journals and flipping the pages of my old albums. As I was reading I came across journals that I had written during and after college, when I was in New Zealand and during the transition to coming back home. I saw some of the same thought’s I’m having today written years ago and it made me stop and wonder: how much do we change, if at all over time? Why hadn’t I pursued the things I thought I would upon coming back home? What had steered me away from the dreams I had back then, so that only now, years later am I truly investing the time in them that they deserve? I don’t think I’ll ever come close to the answers to those questions, but it kind of upset me to feel like I had lost time, lost momentum on so many things. But then, I was reminded that the paths we are on serve us even if we can’t make sense of them. So while it might feel like I wasted time, I didn’t. I just took my time.
I can say without a doubt that one dream I have always had was to be an artist. And it was by far the one dream I was the most afraid to attempt. I always saw my work as lacking compared to the others around me, and half the time I let that stop me from even trying. In college I worked on becoming a writer, thinking that words would become my paint and canvas, but somewhere along the way I stopped writing anything other than my own thoughts. Right now, as I begin working with new materials, in making jewelry that I find beautiful, I am asking myself once again if I am good enough, if I should be called an artist. Who decides? I can write in my journal a thousand times that I am the only one who has that power to decide what or who I am, but if I fail to reveal anything I make to others out of fear of their judgement, then I think that speaks pretty loudly about my own opinion.
Dreams are scary things, because they reveal the real you, and being naked is never easy. I, though, am tired of hiding. I can’t say exactly what that means, or what I am going to do with this feeling, except to say I hit “publish” on this post, and it feels pretty darn good. Small steps, perhaps. But no one ever got anywhere standing still. I wish for you the courage to declare your dreams, and the peace that comes when you do.
The most beautiful set of mini prayer flags I ever saw; on the farm in Maine protecting the entrance to one of their many bountiful, beautiful gardens.
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Back from Maine. Such a wonderful trip. I took photos!! The one above is totally unedited, that’s just how gorgeous that flower was in real life! I can’t wait to share more, but I am off this afternoon to photograph some pups. Have a great night!
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I thought I’d share this while I was away… It’s got be one of my all time favorite videos ever. EVER. I hope you enjoy it, or at least think about it… Be back soon!
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We’re off to Maine tomorrow. I am very excited. Without the family beach house week, its been a long time since we’ve taken a break, and with the new house I think a break is needed even more. We won’t have any real access to cell phones, email, facebook, blogs, anything for a few days. I am looking at it as a necessary respite so I can come back a little more rested, a little more present with all that is going on both within and around me. I am hopeful that I will pull out my camera and shoot just for me while we are gone, but last year that didn’t really happen. Maybe a break from trying to “capture” everything is in store as well. We’ll see. Maine is the place I go to “let go” and its in that place that most of my peace can be found. I’ll let you know how I feel upon my return, hopefully with a pack full of secrets to share. Be well.
Joe and I taken at the Baxter Preserve, Fall 2009
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Do you ever have so many questions rolling around in your head you can barely pick one to focus on, but at the same time you know it’s not about answering any of them, it’s about the energy you get from the possibility within each new question?
Do you ever feel like you have more hope, love, kindness, time, caring, encouragement and friendship to give than the world could ever hold?
Do you ever just wish you could sit still long enough to see who you truly are, without any outside judgements clouding your view?
Do you ever just really wish you could have access to the crystal ball that shows you how things will all work out, shows you the path to take, shows you the right next step…?
Man, I sure do! It’s one of those Fun Friday mornings, and I can’t help but be washed away in this sea of thoughts over here. It’s a good feeling though, not a bad one, so I’m going to enjoy it. I hope you enjoy your day too.
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flowers on the window sill at our old apartment
It’s been an odd day. A beautiful rain greeted us this morning, making everything glow orange and green. It was almost alien and that made it gorgeous. I love a break from the norm!
Since I’ve been up I have written my morning pages, edited a set of newborn photos from this session, taken the dogs for a warm-up walk, done some yoga, worked on my hand stamped jewelry (I need loads more practice!), visited my favorite places online, and done a little biz maintenance. All in all a full day, if one spent on so many little things I am unsure what to work on next. I have been trying to fill my days with one larger task on the never ending to-do list, and then some smaller ones tucked in around it (thanks to some great advice!). It’s been working so far. And then after those are done I do something fun and easy, read mags, relax, the good stuff. I think it might be time to put away the laundry awaiting me in the dryer and then reading something wonderful. I hope you are having a great day too!
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